I Need Your HELP!

I am hopeful that some of you amazing people will be able to give me some advice.  I’ll just get right to it…

My birthday is coming up next month.

Now, I’m not normally a person who makes a big deal about my birthday:  I won’t give you a heads up about my birthday if we work together;  I won’t drop Mr. Blue Eyes hints about gifts;  I don’t arrange babysitting so that I can treat myself to something special.

To put it into perspective, one of the more “formal” ways that I have acknowledged my own birthday was last year when, after getting Ladybug down for her nap while the older kids were at school, I decided to treat myself to a LONNNNGGG shower for my birthday.  (Seriously, a SHOWER was how I acknowledged my birthday! I know, I know…I’m a regular party animal.)  Anyway, I turned on some tunes, shaved BOTH of my legs without interruption, and washed my hair without having to peek out of the curtain every five seconds to check on kids.  It was blissful.

Then it happened.

I noticed the lump in my breast.  (Click here to read my full cancer story in chronological order).

I immediately called the doctor’s office and set up an appointment for later in the month.  Then what was I supposed to do?  I had a knot in my stomach about a lump in my breast, but I didn’t want to worry anyone with the holidays coming up.  So I kept it between me and Mr. Blue Eyes.  My parents treated us to dinner and I went about my evening as if it was a normal birthday.  But it was NOT a normal birthday.

I had a sombrero on my head, a baby on my lap, and a lump in my breast.

Words can’t describe the thoughts and fears that were swimming in my head as I sat in front of my family, listening to them sing “Happy Birthday” to me; their eyes were all on me and I just wanted to crawl under the table and curl up into a fetal position.  All I DO know is that I remember those feelings vividly, and they all come rushing back when thoughts of my upcoming birthday enter my mind.

So here’s where the need for advice comes in:

What should I do for my birthday this year? 

I don’t want to dwell on the big feelings from my birthday last year. What would you do if you were in my position?  Regular, averagely-festive birthday celebration, ignoring the elephant in the room?  Embrace the idea of the “anniversary” and go to the same restaurant…like a do-over?  Start some sort of new tradition?  Skip festivities all together?  Take it over the top with some sort of wild and crazy activity? If I choose to celebrate in some way, what should I do?

See what I mean???  I need help!  You’re talking to a girl who thought a SHOWER was a perfect birthday treat. I know you all are very creative people, and I would be SO APPRECIATIVE of any ideas you’d be willing to share.  Leave your awesome ideas in the comments below (or on Facebook if that’s easier).

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!